told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
