I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
