I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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