I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
