Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
