just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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