dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
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i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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