my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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