It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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