sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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