omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
