So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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