Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
