Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
