he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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