i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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