How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
