Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
