we have officially lost it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
