Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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