Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're like the curious george of whores
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
