I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
