dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
