just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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