my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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