forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
