Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
