you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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