Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
