If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
