Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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