Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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