i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
