i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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