he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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