Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My vagina just recognized that song.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Congratulations! We have a period
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
