You just made me feel so damn special
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
