I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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