I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
