Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
