I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
