I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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