omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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