my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
