how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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