i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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