I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
