My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
