I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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