you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
