whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
