Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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