I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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