let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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