Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
