So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
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I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
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He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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