I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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