to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
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the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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