I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
