you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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