The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
