Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
