If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
